Curiosity Before Criticism: The Story You Don’t Know
I was deep into a Peloton ride, sweat dripping, legs burning, when Christine D’Ercole said something that jolted me more than the resistance knob ever could.
She said: “Curiosity before Criticism.”
It hit me like a truth I didn’t know I needed.
In those four words, she captured something profound about the way we move through the world—especially when things get uncomfortable, confusing, or even annoying. We live in a culture where criticism often comes before context. Where judgment is quick, and curiosity is rare. Whether it’s with family, friends, co-workers, or even strangers online, we often rush to assign blame, to label, to react.
Why do we do this?
Because it’s easier to judge a story we make up in our heads than to do the work of understanding the one that actually exists. Our brains are wired to fill in gaps—we crave narrative closure. But in doing so, we risk flattening people into caricatures of who they really are. The angry boss. The rude barista. The flaky friend.
We assume the worst.
We act on fiction.
But what if we paused long enough to ask:
What don’t I know here?
What if we led with curiosity instead of criticism?
Maybe that co-worker who snapped at you is caring for a sick parent.
Maybe your friend who’s been distant is silently struggling with anxiety.
Maybe that stranger who cut you off in traffic is racing to the hospital.
We don't know until we ask.
And sometimes, we still won’t know.
But even choosing curiosity changes the energy we bring to the moment. It opens us up to connection. To compassion. To the possibility that people are more than the worst five seconds we witness.
Christine’s words reminded me that this shift is more than just a kind gesture—it’s a radical act of empathy.
So the next time you’re tempted to criticize, pause.
Ask yourself: What’s the story I’m telling myself right now?
Then ask: What else could be true?
This small shift—from judgment to curiosity—has the power to change how we relate to others and, just as importantly, how we relate to ourselves.
Because we all want to be seen.
And often, all it takes to truly see someone… is to get curious.
Your Turn: A Curiosity Challenge
What would it look like to bring curiosity before criticism into your everyday life?
Here are a few ways to start:
Pause before reacting- When you feel judgment rising, take one deep breath and ask yourself: What don’t I know yet?
Reframe the story- Notice the assumptions you're making about someone. Then challenge yourself to imagine three alternative explanations—ones that invite compassion.
Get to know someone’s story- Reach out to a friend, colleague, or family member you’ve felt disconnected from. Ask them how they’re really doing—and just listen.
Reflect in your journal
When was a time you judged someone too quickly?
How would the situation have changed if you had led with curiosity?
How can you practice this more intentionally in your relationships?
By practicing curiosity, we don't just change our perspective—we create space for deeper connection, healing, and understanding.
Let’s be the kind of people who seek to understand before we judge. One curious moment at a time.
